Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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