dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Everything about him screamed your future.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
