My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
