We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
