ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
