Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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