I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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