Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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