I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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