So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
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i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
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Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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