my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize