Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
