I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
