My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
