I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
