i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
