I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
