dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
