I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
