Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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