woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
