New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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