I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
