I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
