He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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