Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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