I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize