You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
