I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
