How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize