I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
