there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
