Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
