Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
