If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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