he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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