She said her name was "party"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
