I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You pole danced in your parka.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
