Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
