quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
