so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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