After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
