I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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