I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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