I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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