Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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