My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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