am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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