she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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