I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
