i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
