My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We are two peas in an std pod
did i walk over a car last night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
