This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
