Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
