I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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