He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
