All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
