he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
