elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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