I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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