Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
