The maid of honor just puked.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
